Abuse by any other name...
I’ve always hated the thought of bullying, still do, but
after an interesting conversation with a recent client it made me think. I’ve been on the receiving end of mental and
emotional abuse, which in some ways is more difficult to deal with than
physical abuse. Why? Because often it is
SO well hidden from view and the person doing that type of abuse is extremely
clever at camouflage. They often present
as really friendly, jovial ‘nice to know’ people and everyone NOT on the
receiving end thinks they are just charming and often seemingly generous.
A seemingly innocent compliment often contains an insult or
a cutting remark, with the compliment hiding the real impact of the barb. You are so aware of the flattery they get
away with the well hidden insult. Before
long the barbs are far more prevalent and still sounding faintly like a
compliment that you feel petty pointing it out.
Too late! You are now hooked and accepting
what will soon develop into full emotional and mental control that is very hard
to come back from. After all, you’ve
never said anything before, so why start complaining now? It is truly insidious it is so subtle. Their control over your developing feelings of
being in the wrong all the time is exactly where they want you to be.
You end up feeling very confused, beaten down, guilty and
full of despair and you’re really not sure how this came about. There seems no way out of the situation. Even to think of trying to explain what is
happening to anyone seems impossible, because after all, how do you describe it?
You know it will just sound like sour
grapes on your part, also you realise you really should be able to manage this
yourself, it seems almost silly. Bullies are extremely masterful at finding your
vulnerabilities or your pride in something you care about. They manage to make you feel inadequate, incompetent,
weak, unworthy, unimportant and pathetic.
I’ve come to realise though, just why these people are so
very masterful and brilliant in their abilities to do this to others. It’s because they UNDERSTAND what those
feelings are all about! In order not to
feel them themselves, they pull others down that are close to them, step on
them and squash them in order to make them feel bigger and stronger and more
important. In other words, THEY are the
ones that need sympathy and understanding.
They are the ones who are inadequate and have extremely low self-esteem
– not you.
Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to help them to see
this, as their self-defence is SO strong they believe fully what they have created
for themselves. After all, anything you
believe, is true! So the saying
goes. They believe they are fine thank
you very much and nothing is wrong with them.
Deep, deep inside though they are scared to death that they will be
found out, so they lash out to those who are close in order to hide what is
really going on inside. They deserve
pity really, as they will probably never (be able to) change. Whereas the
bullied can and often do find help to overcome their abuse and rediscover their
own strengths again. I did, and so do
countless others.
So pity the bullies as they are stuck in the cages of their
own making and believe strongly that everything is just fine in their
world. Move on, grow your life and live
it. Surround yourself with beautiful
souls who care about you.
If you need help to recuperate from any forms of abuse, to
enable you to better grow into your future and leave the old scars behind, then
Neuro-Training can and does help enormously, easily and quickly without having
to revisit old and often painful memories. Go to Brilliant Living to find out more, or contact us direct.
No comments:
Post a Comment